Hello my friend (whoever is reading this). I wanted to share something from my past which i hadn't shared with any one and had always disturbed me and my relationship with any male. I am just a average girl pampered greatly by my grandfather and my father also. Being a family with high religious value, there used to be many occasions of such values. And in thoses occasions, among all family members grandson of my grandfather's sister was always called ( maybe due to the religious factor that he was considered one of the purest soul which only presence in the occasion may complete the essence of the occasion). But whenever he used to come to my home, my heart pounded and skipped a beat. Even the discussions relating new programmes to be held in our home would scare me thinking he would be invited. He was normal with me whenever i was with other people. But whenever i was alone he would grab me and touch my private part(my vagina and my boobs, though they weren't developed) Being a child of about 8 years, i was unable to react to his behaviour and was even unable to interpret the situation. I was numbed. But i was totally disturbed. This changed my state of mind and was kind of sad for days until my friend knew something was fishy. I shared it with her and told everything happened me and through her i gotta know that i should ignore him to save myself from hus bad touchings. As per her idea, i used to hide all day in bathroom or sit with my mother in kitchen whenever he visited our house. I had been able to avoid him for almost 4 years without sharing the incidence with any of my family member. But again when i was about 12 years, he tried to grab me finding he alone and again wanted torepeat the shit he did. He also commented that my organ has all grown up now. But this time i couldn't let him play with myself. I just went from there. I regret that i didn't do anything at that time. Having said all this, you may think that i might have told my beloved father and grandfather about this but my innocent child heart thought they won't trust me as he was highly respected in our home plus i also thought this will affect my relation with my grandfather. But from that day, i always tried to ignore him and had been successful at it also.
But whenever a male or a boy is around me ,i really really feel suffocated. I am unable to develop any relation with them. I had always thought that person had come to sexually exploit me as he had done before. I fear passing by his home, i fear walking alone with a boy. Due to all this even at the age of 24, i am still single. I fear if the boy i loved also turned out to be the person as him so i break all communication with them.
Now i wanna live a healthy state of mind. I wanted to end all this awkwardness. I wanted to give him punishment.
What should I do??
